It certainly has been awhile since I wrote you last. I believe I had asked for a Midge doll which I still have, a birthstone ring which I still have (but fits only up to the first knuckle on my pinkie finger) and my two front teeth which I also still have but if you have about 24 more I’ll take those off your hands. Maybe I should write to Herbie?
So how are things up North? Everything running smoothly in the factory? Are the elves still happy? Do you have to motivate them at all or do they just love love love making toys? You definitely have a good thing going because I never see ads for toymakers, popcorn stringers, cocoa brewers, cookie bakers, or sleigh drivers. How’s Mrs. C? She sure has her hands full keeping up with it all. Tell me Santa, what is your secret? How do you get it all done? Something in your pipe, perhaps? It’s amazing that you always look exactly the same. You haven’t lost a strand of hair, your clothes still fit and you’re still the epitome of jolly. I believe it must be all that love.
Now that I’m older Santa I was hoping we could talk. Well, actually I was hoping you could answer some questions, like, how do you get to everyone in just one night? Do you ever take off that suit? Does Mrs. C ever nag you to take her someplace warm? Do kids still write letters or do they text? Why are all the reindeer male? Why do you give the good kids the cool presents and the naughty kids underwear, shouldn’t it be the other way around? Do the naughty girls ever ask you to bring them the naughty boys?
As for me, Dear Santa, I believe I have everything I need. Even though it may sound corny, it’s true. All those I love are happy and healthy, warm and full, and my amazing boyfriend actually bugged me to get decorating and whistled while he hung up the lights. And we still don’t talk much about Aunt Pearl.
Oh yeah, I know that some people are now on fitness kicks and eating healthy and exercising and will probably leave you evian and croudete but don’t fret – we will be baking you chocolate raspberry brownies, peppermint cookies, and next to the egg nog in the fridge there will be a mixer of margatinis with a special glass just for you. And carrot cake for the reindeer. Hey, it seems to work for you so you may as well go with it.
Good night for now, Dear Santa. You know I will still try to stay awake as I would love to get a glimpse of you and that wonderful Christmas scent you seem to leave behind, but for some reason I always slip off to slumberland shortly before you arrive. May you and yours have a safe and joyous holiday and I’ll write again before the next 40 years pass.