I was feeling sorry for myself as lately I have been overwhelmed at work, and it seems that even though my kids are over 18 and able to pick up after themselves I still have to regularly remind them or worse, do it myself. My amazing grandson, who is now 11 weeks old, is here as well, and although he is a joy routines are disrupted, adding to my frustration of when will I have time?
Yesterday I was very snippy, couldn’t make anyone, including myself, happy, so I went to bed at 8 after being up since 4 and slept until 6. Too much sleep for me, usually the onset of slight depression, so after waking not so completely rested, the thoughts of what about me again surfaced, fatiguing me even more.
I made a pot of coffee and while browsing the Arizona forum (my escape plan) came across the word “Karma” and my thoughts brought me to this site, http://viewonbuddhism.org/karma.html and slapped me out of my self-inflicted misery. Not only is the acknowledgment to Buddhism, it is also from the Bible. I would like to share with you the part that resonated with me.
Galatians 6:7 – “Do not be deceived. God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
The bold part made me weepy. We are always told to not give up, that we should focus more on the needs of others rather than ourselves, but for me, all that focusing tends to back up. I’ve always believed in God, Spirits and Presences, am influenced by the weather and feel connected to the forces of nature – a true child of the universe – but it still amazes me when He or They redirect me back to course. It seems that they are constantly on my ass and don’t want me to give up, so I must be getting closer to becoming all I should, and maybe shouldn’t be so hard on myself but being me, will be. How do you really know, anyway? What do we really know for sure?
For me, having this abundance of spiritual influence is comforting. Just when I feel I am truly alone they fly in and rescue me from myself and I begin to feel righted.
So now I will feel bad about yesterday’s snippiness and will try to redeem myself today by going back to being the mother they know, and will introduce change subtly, so not to shock the world they are comfortable with, so I don’t again feel like an unwelcome mat and they are reassured that yes, mom still loves us.
I will leave you with this from the website; something for you to ponder as you work through your day:
"Countless rebirths lie ahead, both good and bad. The effects of karma (actions) are inevitable, and in previous lifetimes we have accumulated negative karma which will inevitably have its fruition in this or future lives. Just as someone witnessed by police in a criminal act will eventually be caught and punished, so we too must face the consequences of faulty actions we have committed in the past, there is no way to be at ease; those actions are irreversible; we must eventually undergo their effects."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'Kindness, Clarity and Insight'